@larand I got lucky on the cramped seating. For being a "completely full flight" it ended up being only half full. That turned my middle seat into an aisle seat with an empty middle seat.
I was also smart and had my compression socks on, which is pretty much mandatory for me now on anything cross-country or longer.
I wouldn't call United "the friendly skies" anymore but it ended up being a decent flight, all things considered.