If I didn't love food, I'd just stop eating for four months.

The last 9500 in my life was the Nokia 9500 Communicator. A bit of a brick but a good phone for its time.

How is it that people can eat whatever the hell they want and stay skinny while I gain 5 pounds just thinking about food?

Facebook. With hashtags. #WhoGivesAShit

Let's celebrate the penis with Monty Python!

http://youtu.be/nGRPFUYUUdQ

I saw the word "penis" in my feed and this clip from Red Dwarf came to mind. "I want to talk with you about my penis."

http://youtu.be/0ofl_UP3apM

Eventually I'm gonna run out of pithy shit to say. Naaaaah.

If everyone on the Internet quit talking about shit they knew nothing about, the Internet would be a quieter place.

NSA really means Nanny State of America

I used to be proud to be an American. Now I am ashamed.