Any attempt I've ever made to join #teambeard has been pathetic.

2013-06-01T00:34:00Z

Where is my virgin sacrifice?

2013-06-01T00:06:50Z

Dear new followers: I don't bite. Say hello!

2013-06-01T00:05:44Z

Whoever's fucking with the HAARP array: Stop sending tornadoes to Oklahoma!

2013-05-31T23:57:01Z

Sell what's on the truck, not what you wish were there.

2013-05-31T23:08:26Z

I asked my Starbucks barista if she could inject the caffeine straight into my veins. Instead she offered a shot of espresso in my drip coffee. She didn't charge me for it either. #win

2013-05-31T22:42:11Z

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave them if I please

2013-05-31T21:33:16Z

Funny thing is Mick Jagger hasn't aged in 30+ years. He looked old in the early 1980s too.

2013-05-31T21:30:39Z

I realize some of you here are young enough to not remember Microsoft's ads for Windows 95 that featured this song: http://youtu.be/SGyOaCXr8Lw

2013-05-31T21:30:00Z

Let's face it, people only like the Start button in Windows because it plays The Rolling Stones.

2013-05-31T21:24:29Z